Tuesday, October 27, 2009

How to Say No Respectfully

Turning down a friendly request can take nerve, but it's often necessary. When you can't or don't want to help out, get yourself together and kindly but firmly turn them down. But if you're not ready, you're simply not ready.

Steps

1. Listen to the request respectfully. Do not interrupt the speaker.
2. Phrase your "no" as simply as possible. Don't raise your voice or become upset, simply say that you cannot help this time. When you say no, say it in a confident, well modulated voice to sound more straightforward.
3. Don't feel obligated to explain. You have your reasons and they may not be ones you wish to discuss. If this is the case, try saying something like, "I'm just not able to." Leave it at that - if you must, change the subject, or say, "I'm sorry, but I need to go."
4. Explain simply, and only if you wish to do so. If the case really is one that you feel okay explaining, make your explanation as simple as possible.
5. Stand firm. If the requestor does not want to accept your answer, tell him or her that your mind is made up and that you will not change it.


Tips

* Be respectful. Even if the person asking isn't.
* If your refusal upsets someone, remain calm and, if possible, remove yourself from the situation.
* Do not lie when you explain why your answer is no. For example, if you do not want to have your sister and brother-in-law stay at your house for the weekend because they are inconsiderate slobs, do not tell them that you will be fumigating the house. Instead, try, "This weekend isn't a good time for us to have stay-over guests." If they press, say, "We have a lot of shopping and cleaning to do to prepare for this next week, and we won't do it if we have company." Hopefully, that will end the discussion. And frankly, that's probably the truth, isn't it?
* This approach can be used for salespeople as well as friends. Telemarketers are human too.
* Preface your 'NO' by saying 'I understand what you are saying' before refusing - it helps if people feel empathy.

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